Welcome!

Aaron is walking around America. This blog exists to help him connect with people while he is away and for anyone who is interested in following him on the path. Thanks for visiting!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Library!

Today was my last official day at the library. I want to take the time to Thank all of the people who I have worked with over the years. You guys have been and still are amazing!

And big thank yous go out to all of those people who were kind enough to to stop by and say farely well on my last day. Your kind words, wonderful donations and heartfelt blessings will be carried with me throughout the duration of this journey and beyond.

I love you all. Thank you so much...

Aaron

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Barbie

I can not leave the library on a trip around the country by myself, for an indeterminable about of time, wihtout saying some words about the love and genius of Barbie before I go.

Looking back before I met Barbie, I had a kind of a half life. I was stuck in the walls of my own mind trying with all my might to keep the tiny world I had built around me from crushing my soul. I engaged in the rat race of bickering and snideness regarding my co-workers. I roamed around the house at night, sometimes punching holes in walls and crushing light switches, releasing my frustrations in an unpredictable frightening sleepwalking violence. I sped down I-5 at over a hundred miles an hour looking for someone to road rage. I willing became mired in costly, compromised, sickly female relationships. I would spend my time going from work, to home, to video/computer games, to TV, eating junk and lashing out at at those who looked, thought, acted, different from me. My selfishism was all encompassing. There was no one in the world but me, and those people who were put here to serve me and be blessed by my presence whenever I was goodly enough to grace them with it.

Sometimes I think back at that person and I can not help but shake my head and think, "What an asshole"...

Then Barbie came into my life and all of this began to change, slowly and intangibly like the tides shifting from low to high. Her arrival punched a tiny hole into my pathetic microcosm of blackness. A ray of light shot through the black and scorched my waxy pale flesh. Seeing myself exposed as such was painful but I got used to it. I started to like the possibilities involved.

And now I can safely say that I have never loved anyone more than I love Barbara Swayze.

She has been a constant source of inspiration and wonder since we have been together.

She has given me the confidence to write my stories, endowing my tales with the magic of her shiny red pen, allowing me to mold the raw gooey matter of my imagination into something tangible and legible and worthy of gifting to people that I love and to The World.

She showed me the power of watching and soaking up movies/T.V./books that are not specifically manipulative and edgy. The kind of movies that have heart and soul and bring joy into my being.

She tore down the stigma I had about self help. Opening the doorway to my evolution and creativity. Showing me that a life of fear and smallness is no kind of life worth living. Showing me that there is such a thing as a selfless act that is done solely for the purpose of helping somebody else and not for the personal feelings of glory and satisfaction that comes with helping your fellow man. She taught me about the power of win-win situations, giving as a spiritual act and always looking for the best solution for all involved to the problems we face in life.

She woke me up to the reality that in this life we all get to decide to do what we want to. We get to decide how and who and what we want to be and that when we decide, there is nothing in teh Universe that can stop us. Every day we have the power of choice. And this power makes us human. And that power has the power to either make us mighty or turn us wicked.

Occasionally I choose to revert back to a place near to that person I used to be Before Barbie. Thankfully she does not stand for that at all and I am reminded, in the most playful and humorous ways, of what an ass I can look like.

I would not be making this trip if it were not for Barbara Swayze. <== Nice double neg. Her help and inspiration, even for a thing that will keep us apart for a time that is longer than either of us are too thrilled about, is nothing short of miraculous. What small gifts I can give her, a promise to stay true. A promise to return which I will do. A promise to keep contact and make myself available to her as often as possible which I am working on right now. These are the easy parts for me.

Someone once said that a healthy relationship is one where both people each feel like they got the better end of the deal. I know that I feel this way about you. That I am so lucky to have you. I hope that I can continue to rise up and be the man who deserves you. I love you Barbie. I love your heart, your head, your genius, your skin, your beauty, your calm, your sass, your wonder, your joy. There is so much more I can and will say but instead I will stop writing and leave you with these three pictures that sums up how I feel just as well:




Sunday, April 25, 2010

Support

The last two days I have been focused on the celebration of purging my house/life of many of the things I will not be needing while out on this adventure. I completely understand and believe in the concept of removing things from your life to make room for the magic to come flowing in. And after a couple of days of intense possession removal on Friday and Saturday, last night I felt the shivery euphoria of really letting things go. And it was good. Damn good.

This morning I woke up a little bit hot, sweaty, lethargic and scared. I am not sure what happened between then and now to effect this change but here it is. IT feels like something. Fear, or loneliness. Maybe it is the fear of being alone, which is something that other people who have taken on a trip like this have talked about and is something I have not really experienced before.

Ever since I moved out of my parents house years ago I have always lived alone and I have always loved it. But something new has a grip on my chest this morning. I think it is the thought of being alone + putting so much distance between the people I love = this fear that I am feeling this morning and am not sure how to deal with.

Last Thursday before I left work I send out an email to all the staff at the library system where I have work who I had crossed paths with during my 11 years there. It felt good to put myself out there to those who I care about and who I thought cared about me. Taking a break on Friday I checked the account remotely to see if I had any replies.

It is hard to put into words how powerful the response was so I will just say that the energy had me understand and totally empathize how George Bailey feels at the end of "It's a Wonderful Life". I had guessed that the number of replies would be about 5. My Barbie, who has been helping me over the last couple of days with the packing, and to be perfectly honest, in just about every area of my life since she we have been together, thought that was ridiculous and guessed that the number would be much much more. She was right, of course. I hand picked three or four responses to read just then and I could not get any farther than that. The support and love contained within was something I was completely unprepared for.

I have read them all now and the sentiments and power of the words of people I love at the library have brought me back up. I am wondering now if the removal of the things from my home/life has made room for this influx of powerful prayers and words and genius that have been showered upon me. I believe they are connected but who knows for sure... What I do know is that I am so grateful for these people I have spent time with and shared so much laughter and joy with for over the last decade. I am going to print out hard copies of these emails and take them with me so if I am feeling lonely and down on the road, I can flip through these thoughts of genius, support and love and use them to bring me back to my feet if I need it. Oh yeah!

And one more time because it can not be said enough. Thank you so much to all of my friends from the library. I would love to paste every reply and who they came from on this blog but I have been careless with peoples words in the past and I am trying to learn from my mistakes. You are all amazing and I hope I will be able to keep in touch with all of you for the rest of my days.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Time to get back to work.

Aa

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Garage/Estate/Tag Sale -- You're It!

One of the necessarys of planning for a trip like this is deciding what to do with my possessions that I will not be able to take with me. Which is pretty much everything I have right now. I have found a home for some of the more precious things that I care about. Pictures, Paintings and Drawings from friends and family, Books, my Hard Drive that has all of the writings and stories and photographs I have taken over the last 4 years, my soft fresh cloud bed, old love notes, a pile of classic video games that I will probably never play again, a whole apple box filled with Barry Manilow CD's, my Bass guitar and Amplifier.

But I still have some cool things (most of them specifically non-Manilow) leftover that I feel like someone I know might want or be able to use if they are interested in buying.

So yeah, you know... YARD SALE!

Up for sale are,



This classic chifferaux. Some scratches on the front left door. 50 dollars or best offer.



This hat rack and standard floor lamp. Five dollars each or ten for the pair.















These matching recliners. (Okay not really matching but we were all gifted with imaginations for a reason.)
Black leathery with swivel ottoman. 50 dollars. OBO

And big beige soft plush relaxation nirvana. So comfortable. 35 dollars. OOB

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A Weblog is Born

I am sitting in front of my computer like millions of people before me wondering what to say in the very first post of my very first blog. I know what I want to say. I know what I need to do. Still I sit here with a queasy excitable nervousa in my stomach, when Eddie Vedder comes in through my headphones and tells me to:

"Rise up, find my direction magnetically"

to

"Rise up, turn my mistakes into gold."

That is exactly what I plan on doing.

Getting right to point: My Name is Aaron and I am creating this blog as a supplement to my forthcoming journey across The United States of America. Jesus, I can not even type those words without getting chills and goosebumps all over my body, eyes watering with a big stupid grin across my face. This is a, journey, adventure, "mission, quest... thing," that I am going to be making on foot. A walking trip. Across America. It is so exciting, scary, magical, wondrous, joyful, perplexing, lonely, imaginative all at once I can hardly stand it.

As I tell people I have been getting different reactions from those who I love and care for most. I love it when someone leaps into support and celebration and wants to give me advice and to tell me that I have to visit this place and that. Some are a little confused and feel the need to plan parts of the trip for me or are full of advice on what I should take with me. The most common reaction I have gotten has been surprising: People express that they wish that they could come with me. It makes me smile when this happens. Some people have more legitimate concerns, wondering if I have thought it all through. Am I sure that I want to do something so out of the norm, to just up and leave my insurance benefits, security, car, home, girlfriend, family, friends, good job at the library... In this economy?! In this political climate!? In this day and age?????

Only about 100% of the time.

This trip makes perfect sense for me. It is something that I have been thinking about for a while now. The timing is perfect. I have no idea where this is going to take me, but I feel like I am ready for a cornucopia of external and internal experience, reflection and imagination. I am ready to soak up the energy and enjoy everything this wonderful Nation has to offer. I can not wait to get started.

Some Statistics:

When: Projected starting day - May 1st

Where: I plan on starting the trip on or around the mouth of the Columbia River.

Why: More details forthcoming on the Why.

Contacts: Other than this blog. You can check in at my youtube where I plan to post videos of the trip. And at my Flicker where hopefully I will be able to fill it up with all kids of wonderful pictures.

Thank you for visiting!

Aa